ALL MY SCHEDULED POSTS DIDN’T POST AND DELETED.
So, I’m sorry for the lack of posting. Very sorry. But I’m back and am not going to be scheduling posts in the near future.
And also, credits to the artist for the amazing piece making up my header, thanks so much, I love it!
QUICK DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL MY OPINION. THIS POST IS A POST ABOUT A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS REGARDING GENDER. THEY ARE ALL WHAT I THINK ABOUT GENDER, AS A GENDERQUEER/AGENDER TEENAGER.
Onto the real post.
Biologically, I am a girl. Currently, in the ways in which I present, I often come across as a girl. I attend a school in which all my peers are biological girls. But I am not a girl. The term ‘girl’ does not feel right, but in the same way that the term ‘boy’ does not feel right. Sometimes I feel very feminine, others very masculine, but most of the time, I feel neither. I feel ‘no-gender’, or agender.
From a young age, I wore ‘girly’ things, I wore dresses, played with dolls, and had a pink room, I was your stereotypical girl. This all changed when I was about 8. When I was about 8, I stopped feeling and acting as girlish as I had once upon a time. I didn’t feel at that stage, female. I knew that I was a girl, but I didn’t think that I really was. Well, at that age I didn’t really know, at that age I just stopped wearing dresses and started dressing more ‘boyish’. Here, in the country, that is almost considered normal though, girls do not often dress girlishly for ease.
It was only last year, midway through the year, when I started to question who I was, gender-wise. It spurred mainly from a conversation that went on in which everyone seemed mildly disgruntled about gender and not having a specific gender. Thinking back on it, it’s sort of funny to think about the things I listened to the others talk about. The small things that I now know to be incredibly false, like taking a one-off dose of testosterone and just letting it be like that. It was then I began to realise then that I didn’t have to be either female or male. I could just be. But I didn’t know anything about it, and so I just kept it inside, it became another secret for my mental illnesses to feed off.
It wasn’t until this year that I really realised what I could be. That I realised that I didn’t have to identify as male or female, and that that was okay, and would be accepted. When I found myself with nonbinary (NB), or gender non-conforming (GNC) friends, that I realised that it would be alright, that I really wasn’t messed up. But I still kept all the feelings bottled up. Until the end of last term (around July) when I really just broke-down. I didn’t know what to do with myself and blurted a year and a half worth of gender issues to a (cis, pan) friend. During July my life toppled and I broke. But that’s another story.
So I splurted all these bottled emotions to this friend and just broke down. I couldn’t deal with the pain of them all and I trusted her. As a bit of an attempt to sort my breakdown out, she began to use they/them pronouns when referring to me, and it was just super fitting. To give y’all your happy ending, I’m slightly happier now, using they/them pronouns.
Now, a bit more of a topic up for consideration, which is what this post is for. I really want you all to get involved and give your opinions. Gender and gender identity.
I want you to try, just for a couple of minutes, to describe someone, to talk about them, not gendering them, not using any pronouns. It should end up looking something like the following:
‘Emily is a 14-year old who blogs about life. Emily is also an artist who has an Instagram account that began as a blog account and still is, but has evolved into mainly an art account. Emily also like writing and is in the middle of writing a book.’
‘Emily is a 14-year-old person who loves writing and art. Emily loves stories and books and blogging. [I really want to say ‘they’ here] Emily is a reasonably smart person who runs this blog and goes to school.’
It’s really hard. Using pronouns to describe someone is ingrained in who we are. My mother found this out when so told a friend (in an attempt to help me) told her about my gender issues. When she found this out, she said to this friend that it was okay because she very rarely used pronouns. But the thing is, that she does, she just doesn’t notice them. It’s not until you really begin to think about pronouns, that you really begin to notice how often you really do use them.
Another little thing for you to think about for a minute, why does it matter to you whether I am a girl or a boy? For most of you, it doesn’t, because you a) don’t know me in real life and therefore talk to me and b) don’t talk about me. But what about for others, why does it matter to you whether someone identifies as a girl or a boy? Really, it doesn’t, but we all seem to need to know. The first question you ALWAYS ask when someone announces that they’re having a baby is, ding, you guessed it! ‘is it a girl or a boy?!’, this often seems to be so people can buy said baby clothing in the colour of it’s gender (pink for a girl blue for a boy). But those people you see walking down the street, with a gender you just cannot place, you need to know their gender. But for no real reason, it’s not like you’re going to go and talk to your friends about them. You just really need to know their gender. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do, we all do it, I’m guilty of it, every single person on this little old planet we call home, has done this in their lifetime, and if they haven’t, then wow, just wow.
Another couple of things quickly, bathrooms and naming. Now, the bathrooms issue is a very small issue to me. I go to an all female school and so we only have one bathroom, if I want to use the bathroom, I go this this bathroom without a gender. This bathroom has not gender sign on the door, rather just the word ‘Bathroom’. In public, the majority of the public bathrooms around here are gender-neutral, often because there is just one. Recently, one of the places around has just changed one male and one female bathroom into gender-neutral rooms, where everyone can go. If possible, I choose to use these. BUT I do understand the big bathroom issue. It’s such a pain that we need to label people by their genitalia, make them use restrooms based on their genitalia, rather than the gender they identify as. It is a real pain.
And the naming. Even though I am out as NB (umbrella term) to my family, I still get misgendered, and that’s understandable. Yes it’s annoying, yes, it’s upsetting, and yes, it doe cause some dysphoria, but I know that it’s hard for them. And often they will correct themselves or call each other out on it. But they also make fun of it. And I sort of understand that, but I don’t really. They make fun of the fact that if I become a part of the police force, I will be a ‘policethey’ rather than a policewoman, or a police man. Yes, it’s very annoying, but often when I call them out on it, I get the common response of ‘it’s hard, we need to have a bit of fun with it. Don’t tell us off about it, we are trying.’, which I can deal with now. Sort of. Now I just stay quiet and quietly wait for them to call themselves out on it when they suddenly remember that they’re not using the correct pronouns With time, it will get better. But another thing I have quickl noticed and will briefly touch on before I end this and go to bed, is the names that females get called, regardless of gender identity that people tend not to call boys. The ‘sweetheart’, and ‘darling’ type things. The things that people would never in their wildest dreams, call a boy. Not boy would ever get called ‘darling’ unless his mother was trying to embarrass him. But yet we do it to girls and Assigned Females at Birth (AFaB’s), which is a bit annoying. But I guess it’ll take some time and all sort itself out.
Okay, this is my rant over. Please do get involved, leave your opinion in the comments, they’re all welcome and I will respond to hate as I do in every post if it is left.